My devotions this morning stretched me…it even hurt a little. I even struggled a little bit about writing a post about it, but then I remembered that this is the main point of the blog in the first place: to share my spiritual journey (the good, the bad, and the ugly). And it’s my fault anyway. I’ve been asking God to poke and prod and help me grow…He just gave me what I asked for.

The topic this time around? Faith.

It started with my devotional book reading discussing the topic of faith and our belief in God’s abilities and willingness to work in our lives (I warn you…this stuff is toe stepping material):

“We can believe that God might meet our need without any understanding of whether He wants to. And our suspicion of Him at this point is often the flaw in our belief.

“We know God can do great things on our behalf; we seldom believe that He will.

“We often tacitly acknowledge God’s omnipotence, His ability to intervene in our lives, even in very specific ways. But this is only half of faith. It has nothing to do with our experiences as long as it remains only a theological proposition. The other half of faith is understanding the mercy of God and His great willingness to intervene. This is what brings His glory from the realm of theology into the practicum of our lives. You want mercy and power? Expect mercy and power. And it will be done to you.” 
(At His Feet, page 300)

G-U-I-L-T-Y-!

I have long struggled with my lack of faith. I want to have faith…and I certainly believe that God CAN do some amazing things. What God exposed within my spirit this morning is that I don’t usually think God will, because I don’t trust His heart. I don’t trust God’s motive.

I know that sounds crazy..and it is a little bit. I know where it comes from, but my childhood is only an excuse. God wants to heal this within my spirit. He wants to free me from this lack of faith (or half-faith?). I desperately want to see the miraculous and the supernatural (not just for it’s own sake but to see God revealed and working as a result of my faith).

I do know that I’m not alone here. Even if others today don’t admit to this ailment I know that Jesus saw it plenty of time sin His ministry. He was constantly chastising people, including His disciples, for their lack of faith. And as long as they didn’t walk away from Jesus He was more than willing to help their lack of faith. If they showed an interest in growing and changing then He was there to help.

After my reading and prayer time this morning…after God had done some of His work on me…I felt a lot like the man in Mark 9:14-29 who has brought his demon-possessed son to Jesus for healing (after the disciples couldn’t to it because of their…well, you know):

“How long has this been happening?” Jesus asked the boy’s father.
He replied, “Since he was a little boy. The spirit often throws him into the fire or into water, trying to kill him. Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.”
“What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.”
The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

It’s that last line that has stuck with me all day (and that God is using it to change my heart and spirit on this topic):

I do believe — in God’s ability and power to do great and wonderful things

…but help me overcome my unbelief! — In God’s heart and motives…His willingness to work in my life.

I think many Christians suffer this particular malady, but God is working on me so that’s my focus right now. I am praying ans asking him to change my heart and restore my faith to fullness. Faith in God’s ability and faith in God’s heart. I’m a work in progress…

I am not even sure where to start this post. I have wrestled with God on this subject more times than I care to admit. But He won’t let it go…of course, He shouldn’t let it go. I’ve even talked to Anita about it. I have the best of intentions, but I am failing once again. And I’m failing at something that I cannot fail at…it’s too important.

So I am once again (not this is not the first time: Exhibit A) confessing my failure and asking for your prayers to do better…to ACTUALLY do better.

At the beginning of the year (or the end of last year if you want to be technical) I set out two resolutions for the year (you can read the entire post here):

1. Getting to Know God Better: This one has actually been a huge success…thank you Lord!
2. Developing better Family Devotional Habits: This one is where I am failing. I just cannot seem to make this one stick…and it is my responsibility. I can’t point the finger at anyone else. My only excuse? BUSY. How stupid is that? I can find time for all sorts of other things, but not one of the most critically important things in my life–my kid’s spiritual development????  W.R.O.N.G

So, I begin again. I admit that I am starting with a serious lack of confidence on my part. I am going to try to make things much simpler…no gimmicks, no “fancy” devotional book. I simply want to spend time as a family reading God’s Word, talking about it and Him, sharing what’s going on in our lives, andspending time with God in prayer together. I want my kids to know, love, andwalk with God—that really is the deepest desire of my heart.

Perhaps I am making it more difficult than it has to be. For sure, this is a spiritual battle (that I have lost up to this point). So I leave the results in God’s hands, but I have to get moving. Too much is at stake. Sigh…pray for me!

During my devotional reading this morning I had a “light bulb moment”..two actually…

Here was the first:

We see a strange phenomenon in our culture: Jesus is almost universally respected as a “good teacher,” yet His actual teachings—many of them, anyway—are almost universally reviled.

There is a lot of truth in that statement, and I had not noticed the oxymoron before. How can people say Jesus was a great teacher and then throw out everything he taught? Here is number two:

Much of Christian life is tension between two impulses: the desire to be liked and respected by the world, and the desire to know God and be like Jesus.

That’s toe-stepping stuff right there. I must admit to being guilty of this fighting this tension often in my own life and spiritual journey. I wish I could even say I think I am usually on the right side of the tension. Once again, more to work on in my walk with God.

In case you’re interested, the passage that these two quotes are in reference to is Matthew 10:17-25. And the devotional itself is At His Feet. I highly recommend this devotional if you are looking for one.

I have had some technical difficulties this last week with my blog (couldn’t load the page where I actually create a post)…but I’m back…and then I’ll be gone until this weekend on the hunt.

I have actually had a topic on my heart for the past few days that I’m glad I finally get to share…I’m so impatient, but it has given time for God to continue to work on this area in my life. It comes out of John chapter 12:

Those who love their life in this world will lose it.
Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity.
John 12:25, NLT

On the surface seems pretty innocent, but it’s anything but “innocent”. This is hard teaching here from Jesus. Think about the implications…if we love our life in this world (at all) then we will lose eternity. We have to “care nothing” for our life in this world—we are supposed to be “other worldly minded”. I don’t know about you, but that’s not always the way I walk and live. Quite often I am very “this world” oriented.

But what Jesus is really getting at here is whether we are a believer or a follower of Christ. Do we just believe His words and teachings OR do we actually follow them? Are we really developing a relationship with Christ or are we simply “practicing Christianity” (do we even know the difference)? Can I honestly say that I hate my life in this world and that my full hope is in the eternal life that’s coming?

Where is my heart? Where is my mind? What’s my focus?

Am I “All In” or am I holding a little back for the next round?

These are the hard questions God is working on in my life…

It’s probably just me (I am a little slow), but God keeps repeating the same two themes in my walk with Him over the past few weeks. Life has been busy and stressful. School is out for a week and I am getting back on track (whatever that means).

So what has God been repeating? Two themes…

Theme #1: Turn to Him When Things Get Rough

I have said it before, but I have had the tendency in the past to turn to unhealthy things instead of God when the chips were down. This is a lesson that has taken, and is taking, time to really learn. God is undoing old, bad habits and teaching me how to turn to Him. Here’s the latest passage He has given me on the topic:

Dear children, keep away from anything
that might take God’s place in your hearts.
1 John 5:21, NLT

Theme #2: It’s All About Relationship

This one has been repeated in many different venues: Church, Men’s Group, School, Devotions, et al. And it’s the most exciting. Life is about relationships…it’s how God made us…it’s WHY God made us. And God wants to have a personal relationship with me and with you. That’s exciting! And it changes everything when I think about living my life with God as my friend…in relationship with Him. It came up last night in Men’s Group:

So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God
because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God.
Romans 5:11, NLT

So those are my lessons. How about you? What has God, or is God, continually teaching you? Are the repetitive themes in your life?

Time for a little confession. This past week has been especially busy (no, that’s not the confession). What has paid the price? Mostly my time with God (there it is). I have been spending “time” with Him, but not the kind of focused attention that He deserves…my mind has been on other things.

This weekend we took our usual Labor Day camping weekend trip up to Como. As usual, it was good time with family and friends. And it was relaxing…something I needed, but that I am paying for now since I still have a big paper due in my class. During the one good time I spent with God this weekend I was confessing how I have been neglecting my relationship with Him. And as usual, He gave me something to chew on in return. Here it is:

As a loincloth clings to a man’s waist,
so I created Judah and Israel [and David] to cling to me, says the Lord.
They were to be my people, my pride, my glory—an honor to my name.
But they would not listen to me.
Jeremiah 13:11, NLT

Yes, I made a little personal addition there…but that is how God spoke to me. I was made to cling to Him.

Do I always do it? No.
Do I often? Guilty again.
Am I learning? Yes.

So today, in the midst of the busyness and craziness of life I am trying to cling to Him and turn to Him more and more. How about you? Do you cling to God when life gets crazy? Or do you cling to something else?

I’m still not exactly sure why, but yesterday was full of discouragement as a dark mood settled over me. As I pray and think about it I am sure it is because of the great weekend we had with the boys (more to come on that in another post, but I want to give it the attention it deserves). It really hit me after lunch…more specifically, after going to the gun range with two of my buddies.

But when it hit me, it hit me pretty hard. I started thinking about all the stuff I have to get done this week, this month, this year. I started thinking about finances. I started thinking about my garage. I started thinking about my uncertain future. I started thinking about homework. I started thinking about being there for my family. I started thinking about church responsibilities. I think you get the picture…it was overwhelming.

It is times like this when I usually would turn to something I shouldn’t (food recently, porn a few years ago). But God has been working on me to turn to Him. So I did. I put all of this on the table, confessed my discouragement and asked Him for a little encouragement. Did I get it? Yes and No. He isn’t letting me off quite that easy, but He does hear me and He does love me…and He is working on me ever so slowly.

So what did I hear from Him? Here’s what I got: “Be Still”. Not exactly word of encouragement, and not exactly new words of instruction for me. This is also an area He has been working on…my need to slow down, be still, and be with Him. Seems counter-intuitive to my mood this morning. Wasn’t what I was looking or hoping for. But then He reinforces the command with this…

Be still, and know that I am God!
(Psalm 46:10a)

Okay…even I get it. Be still, right? But that’s not my nature. He knows. So here I am, doing my best to be still and wait on God. He’s here. I’m waiting…

This weekend is our First Annual Guy’s Camping Trip. Paul Foster and I (an maybe one other guy) are taking our boys camping. There is a specific purpose behind this annual trip though. The goal is to start the process of making men out of our boys…to begin the journey of manhood with them. I am a firm believer that this is our primary role as fathers for our sons–to guide and direct them into manhood, to teach them what it means to be a man and help them become a man.

This is no easy task, and we have done a lot of homework in preparing for this journey already. We have prayed. We have talked. We have studied. One of the best books on this subject is Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis. In the book Lewis talks about defining manhood and instilling this definition in your son(s). He also talks about using ceremonies in your son’s life to initiate him along the pathway to manhood (a rite of passage that is missing in our society). Lewis details four principles of manhood in his book (chapter 4):

1. A Real Man Rejects Passivity
2. A Real Man Accepts Responsibility
3. A Real Man Leads Courageously
4. A Real Man Expects the Greater Reward

I can’t argue with any of that (especially when you get into the details), but I think there is something missing. I sat down last night and prayed about this, asking God to help me define manhood for my sons. What is it I want my sons to know about manhood? How do I define manhood? What does it mean to be a man?

Here is my modified list (in its current form anyway, and yes some are from Lewis’ list):

1. A Real Man Knows and Walks with God
2. A Real Man Stands for Truth and Accepts Responsibility
3. A Real Man is a Servant Leader
4. A Real Man Lives for Something Bigger Than Himself
5. A Real Man Loves and Fights for the Woman in His Life

So here’s the question of the day…and I really to covet your thoughts, evaluations, and responses…are we missing anything? How do you answer this question: What Does it Mean to Be a Man? This is too important for me to think I have it all figured out (I’m working towards the goal…which is part of the lesson for the boys…this is a lifetime journey). Any thoughts, reactions, modifications, or additions are willingly accepted.

And please be praying for us this weekend as we start this journey. And if you know anyone who can loan us a sword for the weekend…do tell, we need on to initiate our boys as Pages!

I got this message from God about a month ago (on July 3rd to be precise): “Slow down and be with me.” I even wrote it down and journaled about it. The message could not have been any clearer and you might assume that I received the message loud and clear. Me too. That is, until this morning when God gave me two reminders.

Reminder #1:

 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are
weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you.
Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:28-30, NLT

Reminder #2:

Most of us are going as fast as we can, living life at a dizzying speed, and God is nowhere to be found. We’re not rejecting God; we just don’t have time for him. We’ve lost him in the blurred landscape as we rush to church. We don’t struggle with the Bible, but with the clock.

Spiritual growth is not running faster, as in  more meetings, more Bible studies, and more prayer meetings. Spiritual growth happens when we slow our activity down.If we want to meet Jesus we can’t do it on the run….Christianity is not about inviting Jesus to speed up through life with us; it’s about noticing Jesus sitting at the rest stop.

Rest is the ultimate humiliation because in order to rest, we must admit that we are not necessary, that the world can get along without us, that God’s work does not depend on us.

Messy Spirituality, Michael Yaconelli, pages 124, 125, 127

So there you have it. I think I get the message. Slow down, rest with God, focus on Him instead of the “stuff” I think ‘m doing for Him. There is too much in the above passages for me to unpack…it’s still too fresh and raw in my own spirit. So why do I share? Two reasons. First, it’s a form of confession and accountability on my part. Second, you might need some of this message too.

I’m still not exactly sure how and where God wants me to slow down (i.e.: what He wants me to give up or how need to slow down in my spirit), but I’m working on it, praying about it, and getting the message. Pray for me as I continue to unpack this and walk in it with Christ. And drop me a comment if you have anything to share on this topic…either your own struggles or ways you have conquered this one.