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<channel>
	<title>Journeyman Journal &#187; Humor</title>
	<atom:link href="http://dbaumgartner.com/category/humor/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>http://dbaumgartner.com</link>
	<description>Thoughts Along the Way</description>
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		<title>I Just Wanted a Toothbrush!</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/06/06/i-just-wanted-a-toothbrush/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/06/06/i-just-wanted-a-toothbrush/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 06 Jun 2011 17:27:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Misc Ramblings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Soap Box]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rant]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Toothbrush]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=1293</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Went to the store last night to pick up a few items we needed since we were so close (okay, we were at Gotcha! with the kids getting some of our favorite yogurt&#8230;but it was still close). One of the items on my list of &#8220;needs&#8221; was a new toothbrush. So I stroll down the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/toothbrush.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1294" title="toothbrush" src="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/toothbrush.jpg" alt="" width="400" height="157" /></a>Went to the store last night to pick up a few items we needed since we were so close (okay, we were at Gotcha! with the kids getting some of our favorite yogurt&#8230;but it was still close). One of the items on my list of &#8220;needs&#8221; was a new toothbrush. So I stroll down the toothbrush aisle assuming this will be any easy trip.</p>
<p>Boy. Was. I. Ever. Wrong!</p>
<p>When did toothbrush technology become so advanced? All I wanted was a simple toothbrush&#8230;but, no! There are now so many choices it took my the better part of the evening just to recognize the options&#8230;vibrating, tooth whitening (in the brush?), left-handed, multi-lingual (okay, I made those last two up, but I bet their coming).</p>
<p>I just wanted a standard, plain-ol&#8217; toothbrush and that was nearly impossible to find.</p>
<p>But I persevered&#8230;sort of. Way down at the bottom of the shelves were the &#8220;standard&#8221; toothbrushes. And yet, the one I got still has more technology than I think is necessary (flex bending head, squishy thumb hold, etc).</p>
<p>When did life get so complicated? I think it started with <a title="The End of Civilization…" href="http://dbaumgartner.com/2009/05/07/the-end-of-civilization/">THIS </a>(click the link to read my last rant).</p>
<p>Okay, I feel better now&#8230;back to our regularly scheduled programming&#8230;</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Kool 105 Distress</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/04/05/kool-105-distress/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/04/05/kool-105-distress/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 Apr 2011 14:01:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Misc Ramblings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Kool 105]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Radio]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=1268</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This post is mainly for those who grew up in Denver or have lived in Denver for any significant amount of time. If you&#8217;re in that boat with me you know that KOOL 105 has always been known as Denver&#8217;s &#8220;Oldies&#8221; station. When I was growing up it played mostly 50&#8242;s and 60&#8242;s music. Not [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/kool1051.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1270" style="margin-bottom: 10px;" title="kool105" src="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/kool1051.jpg" alt="" width="477" height="158" /></a></p>
<p>This post is mainly for those who grew up in Denver or have lived in Denver for any significant amount of time. If you&#8217;re in that boat with me you know that KOOL 105 has always been known as Denver&#8217;s &#8220;Oldies&#8221; station. When I was growing up it played mostly 50&#8242;s and 60&#8242;s music. Not exactly music I wanted to listen to so I largely ignored the radio station.</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s my distress. I discovered it this week. I &#8220;accidentally&#8221; listened to KOOL 105 last week (thinking I was on Jack 105.5)&#8230;and found out that I like the station. A lot! How did this happen? All of a sudden they&#8217;re playing music from the 60s, 70s and 80s (and most of that from the last two decades). When did MY music become &#8220;oldies&#8221;??!?!?!?</p>
<p>So, I&#8217;m listening to the station&#8230;but I absolutely REFUSE to assign the station a preset on my radio dial. I just can&#8217;t bring myself to do it&#8230;.yet.</p>
<p>;o)</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Saturday Funnies 3/5/11</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/03/05/saturday-funnies-3511/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/03/05/saturday-funnies-3511/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 05 Mar 2011 14:47:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Saturday Funnies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Video]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=1233</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This is a great compilation of stupid game show answers. It&#8217;s just over 2.5 minutes and worth the time&#8230;enjoy&#8230; &#160; If you liked that, here&#8217;s a bonus&#8230;]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This is a great compilation of stupid game show answers. It&#8217;s just over 2.5 minutes and worth the time&#8230;enjoy&#8230;</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><iframe title="YouTube video player" class="youtube-player" type="text/html" width="425" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/kJVIWzUSliQ" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen="true"> </iframe></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">&nbsp;</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">If you liked that, here&#8217;s a bonus&#8230;</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><iframe title="YouTube video player" class="youtube-player" type="text/html" width="425" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/C9HWiZrHb_w" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen="true"> </iframe></p>
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		<title>Saturday Funnies 02/19/11</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/02/19/saturday-funnies-021911/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/02/19/saturday-funnies-021911/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 19 Feb 2011 14:39:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Saturday Funnies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[British Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Classifieds]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=1195</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I received the following in an email this week from a close friend of mine. You really do have to love the honesty and brashness of British humor&#8230;enjoy&#8230; These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES. 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/britains-got-talent.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1196" style="margin-bottom: 10px;" title="britains-got-talent" src="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/britains-got-talent.jpg" alt="" width="614" height="211" /></a>I received the following in an email this week from a close friend of mine. You really do have to love the honesty and brashness of British humor&#8230;enjoy&#8230;</p>
<p style="padding-left: 30px;"><em><strong>These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:</strong></em></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.<br />
</strong>8 years old.<br />
Hateful little bastard.<br />
Bites!</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>FREE PUPPIES.<br />
</strong>1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour&#8217;s dog.<br />
<strong><br />
FREE PUPPIES.<br />
</strong>Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.<br />
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.<br />
<strong><br />
</strong><strong>JOINING NUDIST COLONY</strong>!<br />
Must sell washer and dryer £100.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.<br />
</strong>Worn once by mistake.<br />
Call Stephanie.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><em><strong>**** And the WINNER is&#8230; ****</strong></em><br />
<strong><br />
FOR SALE BY OWNER.<br />
</strong>Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.<br />
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Confessions of a Scale Watcher</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/02/15/confessions-of-a-scale-watcher/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/02/15/confessions-of-a-scale-watcher/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 15 Feb 2011 14:05:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Misc Ramblings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Soap Box]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scale]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Weight]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=1188</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[&#8220;Hi, my name is David and I&#8217;m a scale watcher.&#8221; There, I admitted it. I can&#8217;t help myself. And no, I&#8217;m not making light of the situation (okay, maybe just a little&#8230;but only to make myself feel better&#8230;it&#8217;s another thing I do). Ever since I started losing weight the first time (several years ago) I [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/feet_on_scale.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-1189" style="float: right; margin-left: 10px;" title="feet_on_scale" src="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/feet_on_scale.jpg" alt="" width="329" height="219" /></a>&#8220;Hi, my name is David and I&#8217;m a scale watcher.&#8221;</p>
<p>There, I admitted it. I can&#8217;t help myself. And no, I&#8217;m not making light of the situation (okay, maybe just a little&#8230;but only to make myself feel better&#8230;it&#8217;s another thing I do).</p>
<p>Ever since I started losing weight the first time (several years ago) I became a scale watcher. I weigh myself several times in the morning and at least once at night. It&#8217;s not a bad discipline for those of us whoa re trying to lose weight. After all, you need to know where you stand&#8230;so to speak.</p>
<p>The problem for me is that it becomes an obsession. A focus that is just a bit off center. I did&#8230;and still do&#8230;need to lose weight. The scale did&#8230;and still does&#8230;help keep me on track. I know when I need to become more disciplined&#8230;now would be good&#8230;and when things are moving in the right direction&#8230;down.</p>
<p>But do I need to weigh myself before AND after a shower? Do I need to weigh myself in the morning AND at night? Do I need to consider getting a new scale because the one I have now is a big-fat stupid head (and don&#8217;t even get me started on that Wii Fit thing!)?</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>What I need to do is get a little more discipline in my life, use the scale once in awhile to make sure I&#8217;m on track&#8230;and enjoy life in the process. The scale is a tool (in more than one way). =0)</p>
<p>I&#8217;m sure there&#8217;s a spiritual application here somewhere, but I&#8217;ll let you hash that one out on your own (leave a comment if something really good comes to you)&#8230;I&#8217;m off to see if I&#8217;ve lost any weight from the calories I burned typing this&#8230;</p>
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		<title>Saturday Funnies 02/12/11</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/02/12/saturday-funnies-021211/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/02/12/saturday-funnies-021211/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 12 Feb 2011 14:00:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Saturday Funnies]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Video]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Baby]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=1178</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Here&#8217;s a short, fun video to get your weekend started right&#8230; Happy Saturday!!]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Here&#8217;s a short, fun video to get your weekend started right&#8230;</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><iframe title="YouTube video player" class="youtube-player" type="text/html" width="425" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/V6jFyrVHxvA" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen="true"> </iframe></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Happy Saturday!!</p>
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		<title>Saturday Funnies (2/5/11)</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/02/05/saturday-funnies-2511/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2011/02/05/saturday-funnies-2511/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 05 Feb 2011 14:19:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Saturday Funnies]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=1152</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Laugh or cry. Sometimes those are our only two choices. I prefer to laugh. So, with that in mind I bring you a new weekly segment of Journeyman Journal: Saturday Funnies. Just a little something each weekend to tickle your funny bone and start the day off right. Here&#8217;s today&#8217;s submission (feel free to send [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Laugh or cry. Sometimes those are our only two choices. I prefer to laugh. So, with that in mind I bring you a new weekly segment of <em>Journeyman Journal: </em>Saturday Funnies. Just a little something each weekend to tickle your funny bone and start the day off right.</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s today&#8217;s submission (feel free to send me ideas during the week&#8230;there may be a reward!)&#8230;</p>
<div id="attachment_1153" class="wp-caption aligncenter" style="width: 390px"><a href="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/unbalanced.jpg"><img class="size-full wp-image-1153" title="unbalanced" src="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/unbalanced.jpg" alt="" width="380" height="465" /></a><p class="wp-caption-text">I think it might be me!</p></div>
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		<title>Thumbs and Toes</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2010/11/15/thumbs-and-toes/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2010/11/15/thumbs-and-toes/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 15 Nov 2010 21:47:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Misc Ramblings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Judges]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=1097</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Ever read something in Scripture that makes you say, &#8220;HUH?!?&#8221; Happened to me this afternoon as I opened my study in the book of Judges. Here&#8217;s what I read&#8230; Adoni-bezek escaped, but the Israelites soon captured him and cut off his thumbs and big toes. Adoni-bezek said, “I once had seventy kings with their thumbs [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/thumbsdown.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-1098" title="thumbsdown" src="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/thumbsdown.jpg" alt="" width="493" height="231" /></a></p>
<p>Ever read something in Scripture that makes you say, &#8220;HUH?!?&#8221; Happened to me this afternoon as I opened my study in the book of Judges. Here&#8217;s what I read&#8230;</p>
<blockquote><p>Adoni-bezek escaped, but the Israelites soon captured him and cut off his thumbs and big toes. Adoni-bezek said, “I once had seventy kings with their thumbs and big toes cut off, eating scraps from under my table. Now God has paid me back for what I did to them.” They took him to Jerusalem, and he died there. (<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judges%201:6-7&amp;version=NLT" target="_blank">Judges 1:6-7, NLT</a>)</p></blockquote>
<p>First of all&#8230;OUCH!! Second, who thinks of doing that? Not me&#8230;that would be the last thing on my list of punishments. Third, this had to be one funny looking dude once his punishment was done (yes, that&#8217;s how my brain works).</p>
<p>Obviously God had something to do with the punishment since Adoni-bezek had done this to others&#8230;but still!</p>
<p>I never cease to be surprised by Scripture. Always something there to get your attention.  ;o)</p>
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		<title>How Do They Know?</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2010/10/26/how-do-they-know/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2010/10/26/how-do-they-know/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 26 Oct 2010 23:02:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Misc Ramblings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Soap Box]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Smoke Detector]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=1083</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A few weeks ago I was fast asleep&#8230;in the middle of some amazing dream, I&#8217;m sure. I was in a blissful state of calm and relaxation. I was catching some much needed beauty rest (and I need a LOT of it!). It was the middle of the night&#8230;something like 4:00 AM. All of the world [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/smoke_detector.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-1084" style="float: right;" title="Smoke Detector" src="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/smoke_detector.jpg" alt="" width="108" height="150" /></a>A few weeks ago I was fast asleep&#8230;in the middle of some amazing dream, I&#8217;m sure. I was in a blissful state of calm and relaxation. I was catching some much needed beauty rest (and I need a LOT of it!). It was the middle of the night&#8230;something like 4:00 AM. All of the world (at least in our side of the planet) was fast asleep. And then it happened&#8230;</p>
<p>I heard the first &#8220;beep&#8221; and thought nothing of it&#8230;pushed it aside. A minute later&#8230;another. And another. And another. Finally I had to get up to see what that infernal interruption was! Arrrrgggg! It was one of our smoke detectors notifying us that it needed a new battery! This is a great feature and will likely end up saving our lives at some point (we have two boys&#8230;fire is coming at some point, right?). But I have a few questions born out of this frustrating night (and I wish it was my first, and last):</p>
<ol>
<li>How do smoke detectors know that it&#8217;s night-time?</li>
<li>Why do they only start beeping when it&#8217;s dark out? I&#8217;ve <span style="text-decoration: underline;">never</span> had one beep during daylight!</li>
<li>Why does the beep happen so <em>infrequently </em>that it takes 20 minutes just to figure out which detector is the culprit?</li>
<li>Why do you never seem to have a 9-volt battery when you really need one (thankfully that wasn&#8217;t the case this time)?</li>
</ol>
<p>This is one of those eternal set of questions that we may never have the answer(s) to. And, no&#8230;I won&#8217;t be asking Jesus any of them when I see Him face-to-face.  ;o)</p>
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		<title>Message Received</title>
		<link>http://dbaumgartner.com/2010/05/24/message-received/</link>
		<comments>http://dbaumgartner.com/2010/05/24/message-received/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 24 May 2010 14:45:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>David</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Humor]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Life Group]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[New Pastor Journal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cell Phone]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[LifeGroup]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Romans]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://dbaumgartner.com/?p=984</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Last week I was attending one of our LifeGroups—which is one of the best parts of my job—and we where having a great discussion on the second part of Romans Chapter 5. This is one of the &#8220;headiest&#8221; sections of the book. Paul is introducing an entirely new theological concept and he is being very [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/message.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-985" style="float: left;" title="message" src="http://dbaumgartner.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/message.jpg" alt="" width="190" height="126" /></a>Last week I was attending one of our LifeGroups—which is one of the best parts of my job—and we where having a great discussion on the second part of <a title="Biblegateway.com" href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%205:12-21&amp;version=NLT" target="_blank">Romans Chapter 5</a>. This is one of the &#8220;headiest&#8221; sections of the book. Paul is introducing an entirely new theological concept and he is being very &#8220;Greek&#8221; in his explanation. It&#8217;s hard to follow. It&#8217;s hard to digest. It&#8217;s hard to understand.</p>
<p>But the LifeGroup leader was doing a great job guiding the discussion and keeping the group on the right track. Paul is talking about how Christ overcame Adam&#8217;s sin&#8230;how His sacrifice conquers our legacy of sin. He&#8217;s talking about how Jesus brings us into right relationship with God. He&#8217;s talking about the power of grace over sin. Great topics and great discussion.</p>
<p>Like I said, the leader was doing a great job. And he had just finished making this great point&#8230;bringing some of the discussions together&#8230;when someone&#8217;s cell phone sang out: &#8220;Message Received!&#8221; The timing was brilliant. It brought a laugh and drove the point home.</p>
<p>Message received.</p>
<p>I wish I had that more often in my life—some external indicator to tell me when the message is received. For me and for others.  ;o)</p>
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